How do you cope when you know somebody won't accept you and might reject you when they learn about you ?

im a bpd and ptsd sufferer, iam 30 years old and have had a very rough life.


i have never built up any relationships in life with either male or female because of the trauma and mental health problems i sustained.





growing up and throughout my life i have been bullied severley....ive suffered assaults, muggings...time in a psyche hospital...survived alot of horrible thangs..





ive never been employed, never had qualifications....and have been on welfare benifit the majority of my life.





i suffer with extreme low self worth but iam also very vain in my mind.





i have physical imperfections that get me down, ive aged prematurley...dark lines under my eyes....im bald....i have 2 missing teeth, front, bottom row...need implants, which are expensive.


i have physical worries im having investigated at the moment...aching joints, frequent urination.





for a while now ive been corresponding with this cute, chubby redhead from kansas via myspace then added on to msn through email..

How do you cope when you know somebody won't accept you and might reject you when they learn about you ?
what you fail to realize, that unrequited love, happens to the best of us, with NO problems to speak of, money success, all the material things that money can buy, and still we can be rejected...it's just the way of the world...but like my daddy used to sing to me, "Que Sera, Sera...What will be, will be..."
Reply:wow!! well one thing about you is your a great writer! and very able to put down your feelings, i have bipolar disorder, and suffered many similar feelings to you. after going through severe traumas in my life i am now engaged to a wonderfull man, my advice to you is, tell her slowly, dont make her feel like you have 'something wrong with you' let her know, this is a small but important part of you, a part which has made you as a person better,more sensitive to others and stronger and more caring. Be honest with her, dont tell her all at once, and most of all belive that if she does 'run a mile' once she knows of your history then maybe she isnt worth being with at all!!


wishing you loads of luck you deserve it!!
Reply:All you can do is be honest. Stop putting yourself down, every time you do it feeds the low self esteem you feel you have. Believe me everyone feels useless at some point in there lives. Some longer then others. I am afraid life is just like the jungle, survival of the fittest. The fact you have access to a computer and can read makes you better off then millions of others!, yea millions. Be honest and like yourself for what you can do and stop stressing about what u can't. Later!!
Reply:it sounds to me like you need to accept yourself first!


once you accept yourself others will accept you!





most of these traits are not in your control! nothing you can do about it! but your worth is more then what you give yourself credit for! Who cares what you look like!


I was picked on for stuff i could control and some i coulnd't not!


but soon as I accepted and loved myself for who i am people started "Liking me or accepting me" i grew up on welfar so i know!


my teeth well are not that great but it's a work in process! I'm lucky i do have a job and accepted myself earlier in life there for i got the balls to get the job i wanted...





you need to be honest with the red head and yourself! it's the only way! and sadly more rejections will come how you deal with them will make you stronger








Here is a web site that might help


www.coping.org
Reply:First and foremost you need to accept yourself with flaws and faults and all.....





You made the first step: identified your problems, now take it from there. You can learn a new skill one day at a time and then another one, and another one.... You can read books from the library (fiction and non-fiction alike) - it will help you heal the traumas of your life.





"but i am also very vain in my mind" - this is non-sense. You can't judge people by their looks. This woman from KS may not be a redhead or a woman to begin with. It could all a scam. Even if she is real she isn't perfect. None of us are.





Please focus on getting better one day at a time. It is foolish to expect others to make us happy. Our happiness is our own responsibility. Each and every one of us (adults)have had ups and downs - it is a learning opportunity for us to grow. It is called life.


Since you have access to the Internet, look into some metaphysical sites
Reply:maybe, you should to show her this post you wrote. give it a little more time and ,,prepare,, her.but, if it is a objective and good girl, who does not care about people looks and cares about what and who they really are, then you might have a winner there.you seem to me a very intelligent guy, well spoken and caring. she will appreciate that in you, i guarantee you that. good people are hard to come by at this time and age. lot f self-absorbed people around. listen, don´t get to some sort of undermining your self. you are worth far more that that and you have, i believe lot, to offer to your partner. i really wish you, from bottom of my heart, the best. feel free to write, if you get some doubts, bad feelings. my e-mail address is public, and i would really like to know, how it went with this girl and you. life IS beautiful, really, it is just sometimes hidden elsewhere and we must go after it. good luck to you both, OK? :)
Reply:the first thing you need to do is stop feeling like you have nothing to offer.If you don't feel good about yourself how do you expect any one else to feel.I do not know you but I do know that you have some thing to offer because GOD don't make no junk. I'm sure you have some good qualities you just have to realize them. what ever happened to you in the pass is over don't let it ruin your chance at a good future.You need to work on your self right now you will never be able to make any women happy until you are happy your self. and it is possible for you to be happy.If it is physically possible for you to get a job do that . that will be a good start you would be able to do things for your self then. Start setting goals for your self and work on them that will make you feel a lot better about your self. good luck!!
Reply:Hi Baron,





You are already so focused on her rejecting her, that you've set yourself up for rejection.





Accentuate the positive. You are articulate, good at expressing yourself with words, and you are a SURVIVOR. You are working on reclaiming your life.





You are still young! You can pursue your education and a job you love.





Work on one thing at a time, otherwise it will be too overwhelming. Don't set yourself up to fail. Start with something you can succeed with no matter how small.





The more success you have the more confidence you will build.





I have found that in general once you are happy with yourself, you will find someone.



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